i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
