remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
