I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
