Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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