Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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