just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I wear drunk well.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
