I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
