That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
