Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
