apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
