There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize