he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
