fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
