I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
