my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
