How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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