Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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