how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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