I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
