my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
