The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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