I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
