It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
