I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
