Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
