Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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