Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
