All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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