I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
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Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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