as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
