I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm passing your future prison.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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