can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
