are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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