Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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