I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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