we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
