so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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