Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
