P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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