This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
is that a dick in a sweater?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
