you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
