i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
