Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
