I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
