pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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