If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
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I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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