I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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