Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
