i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
