I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
