Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
