Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
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Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
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Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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