He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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