he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
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Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
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I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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