The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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