in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
