I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
