Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
