4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
