He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
