I must be too annoying 4 u.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
