So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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