You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
